Only alive when I pretend that I have died

I bought a dress on etsy, I think it's neat

I'm claustrophobic in my own body. My brain doesn't allow me to think as much as I would like to, or not like to.
And I can never get all of the experiences I would like, or not like. I can never be all the kinds of people I want to be or not be, and never even read all the books I want to, or not.
(You know you're insane when reality feels surreal and the fictional worlds feel real.)

“It’s not that I literally think I’m a faerie. It’s just that I feel so different from most people. And this idea of a race living underground in caverns, spending all their days dancing and playing the fiddle and eating flowers and reciting poetry and sharing their dreams, that to me sounds much more real than the way people live in this world, hating and fighting and wanting and hurting.”

so sick of being tired
and tired of being sick
i am a puppet and so are you
but i dont wish to be one 

they are all so fake

so am i
but then what am i
a puppet

I love you. I love you. I love you. 

I'm really angry about today because I was bored the whole time and I still am. I'm cat sitting though. The cat is named Misha and is almost as adorable as Misha Collins.
I also bought season 5 of supernatural on DVD so I'm gonna go watch that now. I'm a huge geek on the inside tbh.
Oh and 17 DAYS ♡

"I am a soul. I don't have a soul. There's a difference. "
But what if I am not a soul. What if I am my brain.
Maybe we're not souls. Maybe we are our brains. We're just biology and 
Maybe the way we feel sick and frightened whenever we think about this is because we only have our brain. And deep inside, we know that. We made souls up to comfort ourselves, just like we made god up. (Im sorry if you're religious - this is how i personally feel) We are in need of protection. We need safety - we always did, ever since we were born. When we first were born our mothers reassured us everything was going to be okay, and we listened. But what if it's all just lies. Clever lies our clever brains made up so that we couldn't figure out the truth, the truth being that we are just walking this earth like ants. We eat, sleep and die.
I'm sorry if this made you depressed, it sure made me depressed. Haha, except, wait, I was depressed before. This is the time I would normally take a walk, but it's 01.00 am so I'm going to skip that. I hope you're all doing fine.
Love.

“I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy or maybe a girl with gentle lips and strong hands.”
Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls

don't ask me when, don't ask me how
i know places we can go

and the rest is rust and stardust

Har varit sjuk i fyra dagar nu, var hemma i fredags och idag. Eller.. Igår. Ni vet.
Det är så frustrerande. Jag vill bara slå in en vägg.
För ett tag sedan var jag hemma fyra dagar. Då var jag inte sjuk, då var jag bara för suicidal för att fungera. Eller, kanske inte riktigt suicidal, men extremt jävla deprimerad. Begravd i dystra tankar. Var på en kyrkogård för några kvällar sedan, och tänkte att jag kände mig mer hemma där än i stan med massor av folk, och det var fan skrämmande. Det var nog bara den gången dock, men att den tanken ens tog sig in i mitt huvud skrämde verkligen mig.
Orkar inte, vill bara vara normal och kunna gå till skolan och nu är jag faktiskt riktigt arg för jag vill inte vara sjuk.
God natt.

I HATE EVERYTHING :)